I Worry About the Future of Humans

November 11, 2013

I like to think of myself as a semi-patient person with people (my friends and family are probably laughing at that statement right now). I understand that people are raised in different ways and to judge some one based on this is not only wrong– but also shows a lack of compassion. That being said…

There are days I just cannot stand people. As evidence from this weekend:

WHILE AT IKEA: (arguably a bad decision on my part to go during the madhouse hours)

For Pete’s sake don’t stop in the middle of the isle at IKEA.

Pull your cart over to the side grab what you need and try not to be a nuisance.


They really do mean Debit and Credit only. PLEASE READ THE SIGN. Stop holding up the line because you don’t think it applies to you. It does.

And while we are already at IKEA:

To the lady in the IKEA self-checkout lane that cannot read the sign that says “ONE LINE FOR ALL FOUR STATIONS”:

Seriously, learn to read. There’s a huge freaking sign above your head that says to form one line and wait for the next available checkout. You really didn’t notice the long line of people waiting in the middle thought they were all waiting for the right two machines and decided to start the lane for the left two?Then– when the register opened up on the left and I took it because I was next in line you find the self-righteous balls to call me out in front of the whole check out?

How’d you feel after I pointed to the sign and you retreated to the back of the line?

IN THE PARKING LOT (any parking lot):

Be mindful of your surroundings.

Don’t walk from the store in the middle of the isle to your car. Move to the side so cars can move past you.

Put your empty carts into a cart return stall.

It’s just plain laziness to not take the few extra steps to return your cart where they belong. Trust me, you could use the exercise. This is especially important when it’s freaking windy out (like it was this past weekend in Detroit). It’s simple mathematics people.

Cart left randomly in lot + Really windy day = Carts damaging cars and causing problems.

Common sense people.

Be patient.

Don’t be that guy. You know the one I’m talking about. The one EVERYONE HATES. The spot stealer. The guy that trolls the parking lot looking for the next available spot and takes it regardless of who is waiting for it. I want to drop kick that guy. EVERY. TIME.


Also, don’t zoom around like you’re driving for NASCAR either. There are small children around and yes– while their parents should have a handle on them at all times, be mindful that you could hit one. (Almost saw this tragic event happen on Saturday. Guy was zooming around in a mustang because he was compensating and almost hit a little girl that was waiting for her mother to get the baby out of the car. Wanted to hit him with my car.)


When deciding you don’t want an item after-all.

I’m not exactly an angel when it comes to this, I’ve often left Items randomly where they shouldn’t be (at IKEA) but leaving an item that needs to be refrigerated or frozen in the canned goods section is just an asshole move. Someone left their expensive ice cream in the section of apples and you could tell it was already spoiled. THAT’S ICE CREAM ABUSE. And overall just not sanitary.

When using the self checkout while buying alcohol (or really any checkout)

Have your ID ready. You know they are going to ask you if you look anything under 50. You might as well be prepared. Mines always out before I even scan the 12 bottles of tequila I’m purchasing.

While we are on that note…

Dear checkout dude at Kroger…

No, I don’t find it funny, endearing or even slightly amusing when I hand you my ID and you tell me “That looks nothing like you”.

I’m trying to get in and out of the store as quickly as possible and your lame attempts at picking me up by saying “You’re way more attractive than this photo shows, are you sure this is you? How do you say your name? It’s really unique.” ….At this point I was ready to walk out of there without the booze or ID…


I don’t know, maybe I’m not as patient as I thought. Do you think these are justified statements? What really gets you going? I want to know. Let just have a whole #rant session.